Thursday, April 2, 2009

Brotherly love

I have slowly and inexorably lost any semblance of a loving relationship with my only brother. He’s two years younger than me and growing up we were very close. He was small, red haired and freckled so although he was athletically gifted and highly social, he did get a bit of a hard time from certain quarters and I took on the role of protector. Anyone who gave him a hard time had to deal with me and I was no walk over.

Somehow he became an arrogant man. He married a fabulous though submissive woman. They have two beautiful sons and own and run a very successful business which has allowed them to accumulate a gorgeous home, flashy cars and all the trimmings.

I am pleased they’re apparently living the dream but the more ‘stuff’ he’s accumulated over the last few years, the more he looks down his nose at my single parenthood and modest home and possessions. Trash

He laughs condescendingly at my opinions, criticises my beliefs and values and belittles my job and I just don’t understand what motivates him. I love my family but it has reached the stage now where I can barely stand to be in the same room as him and it breaks my heart. Over the years I have tried to talk to him about it without success. I’m on the verge of giving up and trashing the whole relationship.

Sorry readers for the woe is me post today, not usually my style.


  1. Well, you know me, Lou. When you feel like unloading, I'm all ears, because you're preaching to the choir with me.

    I mean, you've let me unburden myself on your Internet ears many a time, so don't feel bad.

    I can sympathize with you in this situation because I'm not tight with my sister either. Though, our situations are very much different, as are the reasons for my sister and I not being close.

    Bottom line, love and respect are two things you just cannot make someone feel or show. People either feel those things for one another, or they don't. If you've tried talking about it and your brother has repeatedly blown you off, then I'd let it go.

    But, that's me. You have to do what you feel is best for you, my friend. Good luck.

  2. I agree with Tim.
    I love my brother and sister. Love. Them.
    And I am close to my sister, in heart and feelings, though not in miles.
    But my brother, well, while I love him, I cannot help but realize that, were it not for genetics, we'd have nothing to do with one another.
    We're quite different in temperment and lifestyles--and no, that has nothing to do with me being gay. I know that if we weren't related, we would never be friends.
    You can't make someone like or respect you, they either do or don't.
    All you can do is be yourself and be happy, and try to stay away from those who seek to put you down.
    No matter their bloodline.

  3. Tim & Bob are wise men. My only offering: sometimes families suck.

  4. I will not be close to my brother or my sister once my mom passes away. I don't know why - but in the last few years, none of us make an effort. It's sad, but I'm not going to force it. I'd rather try with people that actually love me.
    Sorry Lou - I don't blame you for giving up.

  5. I'm sorry to hear that and I hope he comes around. Money can blind. Good thing I'm a broke student, I suppose.

  6. It's weird how the older you get the less we talk to each other in our families, it is the same as mine if it wasn't for our parents still being around we wouldn't say anything to each other.

  7. Thanks to you all. I appreciate the advice and support. I think I have to just let it go though it makes me feel a bit sick to accept that. We all clung so tight after we lost Carmel in 1995 and I am sad that's fading now - it was the only good thing to come from our loss.

    Que sera sera


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